Happy Birthday Sweetheart!

Today is Kyle’s 40th birthday. There have been times we both wondered if he would make it to this day. Therefore, we celebrated it with a party a couple of Saturdays ago with family and close friends. He often tells me he is 40 in an 80-year-old body. I love him so much and am very grateful that we have made it to this day.

I gave Kyle the totally impractical gift of chaps for his birthday. He'll use them once a year, but loves them and to me that is what matters.

Kyle is a complicated person. I have been working on unraveling the mystery of Kyle for the past four years and I feel I have made significant progress.

No one has a bigger heart than Kyle does. Maybe that’s why it is failing. He’s just used it too much. For example, Kyle had never even met my cousin Shane until I took him with me to visit him a couple of weeks ago. He now prays for him and Abby every night. He worries about them and went and visited them by himself at the hospital when I was sick and couldn’t go. My Grandma Pauline loves him more than any of her own grandchildren and makes no secret of it. Kyle has a never-ending supply of love to give. He is always worried about those who are hurting and having a hard time. He has a heart of gold.

Kyle loves his nieces, nephews, and my cousin’s kids with all his heart. A hug from one of them makes his day. He doesn’t have any favorites and loves them all. He would spoil them rotten if we had the money. Since Kyle has been working, Weston has become his sidekick. When he and Kat come in the front door of the shop, she heads upstairs and Weston heads back to The Trophy Corner to “help” Uncle Kyle for the day. He sits next to Kyle for hours and hands him supplies. I asked Kyle what he was going to do when Weston started school and his answer was, “Be depressed.”

Kyle has changed so much in the years since we met. He has grown into an amazing man. He worries about my feelings and takes great care of me. He is an expert at laundry and keeps it done. He also excels at dishes, and cleaning the house. It has been a shock for me since he started working to have to come home and worry about dinner, dishes, etc.

The last few years when Kyle was not able to work, he hated that I had to support us. The last couple of months since he went to work with Bob have made a world of difference in his attitude. He is so proud of himself and happy that he is contributing to our household. I am so proud of him for taking this on and working so hard. He loves it and I have a hard time getting him to come home at night.

Kyle gets a lot of joy out of simple things. Going out to dinner, watching a movie, buying me a stuffed animal, or bringing me home two chocolate cake donuts. I have not broken him of the habit of ordering a drink with dinner. I cannot see paying around $2 for a drink when he can get one after dinner for so much cheaper. It is still a constant battle with us. One I have pretty much given up.

Kyle has a special relationship with his dogs, Button and Lilly. I have never seen anything like it. They know he is coming several minutes before he even gets to the house. If he leaves the house they sit at full attention facing the door for around 30 minutes before they give up and lay down to wait. I will think he is talking to me from the other room just to find out he is talking with the dogs. I have never seen anyone as devastated as he was the night Lilly ran off and we could not find her.

Kyle has a very special connection to Heavenly Father’s spirit and the veil is thin for him. He is very close to his grandparents and Aunt Peggy who have passed on. I know they are his special guardian angels. He recently bore his testimony in church for the first time ever and it was sweet and pure.

Kyle has autism and because of that he has a few quirks. He likes to buy multiples of things. There are so many things in our house that we have 2 off. Things it is very ridiculous to have 2 off. No one needs 2 of the same shirts in the same color and size. When we got married and I was helping him move I lost count of the number of shirts he had more than one. I have to be very explicit in what I ask him to do because he takes everything very literally.

Kyle has suffered more than any one person should have too. Between the heart failure, diabetes, kidney issues, knee and shoulder surgeries, and the problems with his feet, due to the diabetes, I am amazed that he is able to keep a good attitude.



Kyle loves the summer. He would spend the whole summer in Bear Lake or Lake Powell if he could. He loves sleeping under the stars on the house boat or in the trailer somewhere. He just likes to go and loves to travel.

I have never seen Kyle so happy as when we went on a cruise a while ago. He was like a little kid. He couldn’t even hold still in his seat. The closer we got to the port to board the ship, the more he wiggled. He got to get in the water with dolphins and was able to take a tour of the cruise ship. He was in heaven.



Kyle has 3 Dads and 2 Moms and it makes carrying on a conversation with him very confusing at times. I’m never quite sure who we are talking about. It could be Don, Dick, my Dad, Hydee, or my Mom. Kyle loves his mom, Hydee with all his heart. She can make him madder than anyone, but it doesn’t take long until he gets over it. Whatever she needs or wants is his top priority. He just wants to make her happy.

Kyle can hold a grudge like no other. Once he decides he is upset with someone there is a chance he will not ever get over it. I am never able to determine how he picks those who he is going to forgive and those he decides not to. It usually makes very little sense.

This leads to the fact, that I have only met one other person in my life as stubborn as Kyle. Once he makes up his mind there is a good chance it isn’t going to be changed no matter what. It doesn’t even matter if what he believes is completely ridiculous he will stand by it.

Kyle loves me very much. He never leaves me or hangs up the phone without telling me he loves me. He is very protective of me and gets upset when my sisters tease me or give me a bad time. I have a hard time getting him to let me fight my own battles. He likes to bring me flowers every once in a while. If we could afford it I know I would get them frequently. Kyle supports me in everything I do. I can always count on him to run an errand or help me out with a project.

We have had our share of trials and struggles, but I think our marriage is in a strong place right now. We have clearly defined goals and we are working together to meet them. Our relationship has never been better than it has in the last few months. I love you so very much honey. Happy Birthday!!!

A Room from the Past

I saw an old picture of Grandma Ila’s TV Room/Study today. It brought back a million memories. It’s interesting how a particular place can take you back. I lived in that house for a couple of years and it didn’t have this effect on me then. Once she was gone and the familiar furniture, drapes, etc. it may as well have been a different place.

Brooklyn's Blessing
The picture that inspired this post. Notice that although
Grandma isn't in her chair her coke and neck pillow
are sitting there watiting for her.

Today though, the memories ran through my mind like a newsreel, one after another. I remembered as a kid sitting at a table in there for Thanksgiving and literally passing (throwing) the rolls back and forth down the table with my cousins.

Crowding a dozen or so people in the room to visit, fitting 5 on the couch, 2 or 3 on the blue chair, a couple on the floor, someone sitting on the desk; rather than move into the front room, for no logical reason other than it was where we gathered. I spent countless hours of my life sitting in the blue chair and watching TV with Grandma Ila. There are dozens of memories of walking in to find Grandma with her recliner pulled up in front of the TV watching her Jazz games and yelling at the television. Grandma always refused to let me replace the horribly ugly, falling apart drapes.

I remembered how during Grandma’s last year as the end got closer it seemed everyone tended to gather around there after work each day for an hour or two. To both check on Grandma and fight over holding baby Brooklyn. Eventually Grandma would decide we should get some food from somewhere. After tossing the idea around awhile someone would make a run to Burger King or get up the gumption to fix something.



I vividly recall coming in the room to see her sitting in her recliner with her coke and “crispy” (rice crispy treat) within reach. Right up to the end of her life she would get out of bed, get dressed for the day, and make it to her chair. Taking my turn helping her up and following her to the bathroom to make sure she didn’t fall, as she walked with her walker. Following her as she made laps with her walker; into the hall, through the front room, the kitchen and back. Standing on the recliner to get into the weird closet built up by the ceiling so I could get bedding down to spend the night on her couch when it was my turn.

Then trying to get any kind of a breeze because the room was so hot I could not possibly sleep. The day the candle on the desk started Emily’s hat on fire. Getting the pans of rolls down from up above the bookshelf where they were rising for Sunday dinner.

My last memory of Grandpa LaMar being alive was in that room. It was Sunday afternoon after dinner and he was sitting in the recliner watching TV. Mom and Susan were trying to convince him he maybe should go to the doctor because he was not feeling well. He told them maybe tomorrow. He died that afternoon of a heart attack while having a nap.

It is hard to describe the feeling that was always in that room. It was always warm and cozy, a safe place, a feeling of comfort. During Grandma’s last week there was a steady stream of visitors in and out of the room visiting with her as she dozed in her recliner.

I imagine there are dozens of people with memories of Grandma’s room. They are all probably a little different and have different meanings for each of us. However, I think we would all agree on one thing and that is, there was always love to be found there.

Throwback Thursday

I'm organizing and getting rid of pictures. I found this one today. It was taken at Christmas in 2003. Brian was moving Grandma Ila from our house to hers. I have no idea where he come up with the balloons from. From this point we had just over 16 more months with her. I miss her so much!!!

"Use Your Words"

The last few weeks I’ve heard the statement “Use Your Words” used several times. When I hear this phrase it brings to my mind how powerful our words can actually be. The best example I’ve had of this lately is a Facebook page I came upon a few months ago. It is titled, “Mitchell’s Journey.”

Mitchell’s Dad has been journaling Mitchell’s battle with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. Sadly, Mitchell lost that battle and passed away a month ago. His Dad, Chris is a very talented writer and photographer. I don’t know the Jones family but by reading his words I feel as if I personally felt their loss. I felt of Mitchell’s special spirit and his strength. I am so grateful Chris decided to share his families experience through his words. He has touched my life and many others.

I would hope those around me feel I use words for good and not to hurt others. Words can be a powerful weapon, can cut deep, and do irreparable damage. We are hearing about it all the time now with bullying and teasing in schools.

The person who can be the most effected by your words is yourself. Self-talk is very powerful. Do you boost yourself up or tear yourself down? Unfortunately, I think the things we tell ourself are usually negative and not helpful. Try to pay more attention to what you are telling yourself and when you catch it being negative change it to a positive.

Let us make a commitment to “Use Our Words” for good. Use them to life others up. Compliment and praise other people with what we choose to say.

A Dash of Hope or Dashed Hopes

About a month or so ago things were going pretty well for Kyle and I. Kyle’s health was stable. I was feeling good. We hadn’t had any catastrophes for a week or two. Money wasn’t flowing in, but we were paying our bills. Kyle was doing some work for his Mom and had a possibility of another job he may be able to do lined up. I didn’t dare comment on it out loud to anyone, but in the back of my mind I dared to hope that maybe things were starting to turn around for us. I was feeling hope and peace for the first in a really long time. I should have known better.

Within the next week, a bulge Kyle has had on his side was determined by a surgeon to be a tumor. It would have to come out so the doctor ordered a scan to see how invasive it was. We had our Lumina for 4 months and Kyle hated it. I heard about it everyday (I didn't really like it much either). He found another used car he wanted to trade it on. We made arrangements to complete the deal on Saturday.  Thursday night I got a call from Kyle to come pick him up. The Lumina quit in a puff of smoke. Diagnosis: terminal with a seized motor. Then Kyle got a new sore on his foot. Moreover, for the finale, I came down with a bad case of the flu that it took me two weeks to get rid of. Just like that, I felt my hope dashed into a million pieces.

Shane’s wife Abby told me that when it rains it really does pour. I told her when it rains on Kyle and I it floods, but its okay because we are becoming experts at bailing water.

Kyle had a CT Scan and believe it or not there was no tumor found. Everything looks great. I had spent days preparing myself for the very worst. I just stared at the doctor. He probably wondered what was wrong with me. I no longer know how to react to good news; Kyle’s foot is free of sores for the time being; He got a job at The Trophy Corner. He is in charge of the trophy assembly. He loves it and his boss loves him. He is working more than I think he should, but I can’t stop him. It is as if he is the energizer bunny. He is working 10 and 12 hours a day. This job has made a world of difference in him. He has his confidence and self-worth back. He is the Kyle I fell in love with. It is fun to watch him. He comes home every night and tells me every thing that happened during his day; we donated the Lumina to the kidney foundation and somehow came up with the extra money for the other used car. Kyle loves it and doesn't complain about it all the time; And I got over the flu and replaced it with a cold and allergies.

With the coming of the spring weather this week a feeling of hope has come back for me. There is a dash of hope in my heart. I feel peaceful. I am trying not to have the attitude of waiting for the other shoe to drop. I actually feel as if I can enjoy the moment. The heavy clouds that too often hang over me seem to have dissolved in the sunlight of the warm spring day. I’ll take it for however long it lasts.

Hope and Prayer

My cousin Shane has cancer. It is now blocking off any food from going into or through his body. Shane is too weak for surgery or chemotherapy. The doctors are ready to send him home and make him comfortable. Shane and Abby do not seem ready to accept that. They still have hope. Hope for a miracle, hope the doctors will think of something else to try, hope Shane will get strong enough for surgery or chemo, hope for more time.

We sit on the sidelines and are helpless. We have no idea what to do to help so we pray. We pray for a miracle, we pray they will be comforted, pray they will be able to make the right decisions, pray for peace, pray he won’t have to be in pain, pray for the ability to say the right things at the right time.

It is a horrible situation and I so I ask you to pray too.

Random Photo Friday

Today is random photo day. The day I pick a random photo out of my pictures and lucky you, you get to see it. Woo Hoo!

Today's photo was taken almost a year ago on Easter. Where did the time ago? It sure seems to be flying by. We had a great Easter hunt with the kids and a delicious dinner. We were sure glad the kids showed up to find the eggs. Otherwise we would have been a bunch of grown adults walking around the yard looking for the eggs Dad hid. Kids just make everything more fun. It would sure be fun to have some (Hint! Hint! Heavenly Father).  Kyle and I sure do love these girls. We are so lucky everyone is willing to share their kids with us. We love them all.

"The Girls" Easter 2012