Thursday, January 30, 2014

Winter Doldrums



I have written dozens of blog posts in my head, but I convince myself they shouldn’t be shared and I’m most likely right.

I’m not in a great place right now. This time of year is never good for my mental well being. Add in the disaster of my personal life and I’m pretty much barely functioning. Getting out of bed every morning is a major accomplishment. I sleep about 5 hours on a good night. 

I feel like I’m failing on so many levels. I’m distracted and have a hard time thinking clearly at work. That’s never a good thing and even worse when it’s a new job.  My parent’s basement is full of all my stuff and the thought of going through it and getting things organized is overwhelming. It’s a good thing they are patient. I feel like I take advantage of Marijka and her willingness to help me. I could be doing more to help Marlee with her wedding planning. My church attendance needs major improvement. As I said there isn’t much I feel like I am getting right. Sometimes life is just hard.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Goodbye 2013


Well I made it through the holidays with only 5 or 6 major emotional breakdowns. Most of them in private thank goodness. I had 2 separate battles with a nasty stomach bug which didn't help things. You know when I got married I was determined things wouldn't end up this way and yet here I am. I hate it. It is awful. Every bad thing you have heard or witnessed about a marriage falling apart is true. Every conversation between us ends with one or both of us in tears and me feeling like I have kicked a puppy. Kyle is a good man but I'm afraid it is time to just let go and walk away. It is hard, so hard.