Remembering Grandma Ila

I went out to dinner with a new friend on Monday night and when he brought me home we were sitting in his truck talking and I started to tell him a little bit about Grandma Ila. I sure do miss her. I think maybe even more so because I'm living here in her house. As I write this there are tears running down my face and I don't cry very often. Grandma Ila was an amazing person. She was a giver and it didn't matter what the sacrifice to her (or us) might be. If she saw something that needed done she was going to make sure it happened. We were volunteered for many projects without our consent and of course we did them because it was almost impossible to tell her no and stand by it. I both loved and hated that she would tell you what she thought and didn't care about the consequences of it. This brought about more than one disagreement. I sometimes wish I the courage to say what I think. I'm always worried it might cause problems. I have remembered her "life is hard" lecture several times over the past few years. Of course with it being Memorial Day this week it brings to mind the many trips to the cemetery to clean the headstones and make sure there were flowers for each occasion. When I go out with a guy I find myself wondering what she would think of him and if he would be someone she would approve of. Would he have passed her interrogation or have been intimidated by her? I guess when I find the one that I think would have been able to do that I'll know he's the right one. I wish she was here to enjoy the new great-grandkids. They would have brought her so much joy and I know she loves them so much. I love you and I miss you every day Grandma! Thanks for the incredible memories we shared over the years.

The Light Within

I was reading a book by the name of Star Bright by Catherine Anderson last night and the guy in the book was telling how when his mother died when he was 5 years old his father told him that all of us have a bright light inside of us that can never be snuffed out, and when we die, that light becomes a star. His dad convinced him that Polaris (the north star) was his mother's light. Whenever he got lost, his father said she would be up there to help him find his way home. Believing in this was a great comfort to him as a young child.

He went on to say as he got older he realized there truly is a light within all of us, a brightness way deep inside that can never be dimmed or snuffed out, not by anyone or anything, not even death. We can be down and out. We can be on our knees, drowning in the darkness without any hope, and suddenly there it is, that tiny glimmer of brightness inside of us to help us get back on our feet. Nothing can take that away from us. No one else can extinguish it. Some folks call it grit, other call it the soul, others an aura. In the end, what we call it isn't important. What matters is that practically everyone senses that there's more to each of us than mere flesh and bone. Even an aborigine in a remote place untouched by civilization knows that some indefinable part of his spirit is invincible. Way down deep you know it's there inside of you, waiting to flare bright again. You only have to find it.

The Simple Things

Friday night I tended Garrett and we went with Mom, Jan, Marlee, Brooklyn and Gracie to Willow Park. We ate some chicken mcnuggets and fries, played on the swings and slides, and walked through the park. As I was pushing Garrett and Gracie on the swings and watching them laugh and enjoy themselves the thought came to me that it had been way too long since I enjoyed such a simple thing as swinging on a swing. When we are children we get joy out of little things like watching fish in a pond or going down a slide. As we get older I think we get caught up in our everyday worries and I know I sometimes forget how to enjoy the simple things in life. So I spent a little time this weekend sitting outside and listening to the sounds of nature, playing with Lilly and Gracie and planting some flowers. Everything is so pretty and green outside right now. The blossoms and leaves are starting to come out on the trees and the tulips and daffodils are beautiful. I am working on taking the time to enjoy Spring before it is gone.

Learning To Want What You Get

"The secret to a happy life, is not in getting what you want. It is in learning to want what you get. Don't waste your time crying over what you're not given. When you have tears in your eyes, you can't see all the beautiful things around you." –Lisa Wingate

I was thinking today about how much life has changed in the years since I was a kid and I remember reading this great quote in a book named "Tending Roses" a few months ago. When I was growing up we use to have the run of the neighborhood. Mom would tell us what time to be home and off we would go. She didn't worry about us unless we didn't come home when we were supposed to. If she needed us she stood on the porch and yelled. It was a big deal when we got old enough to ride our bikes past Grandpa LaMar's gas pump that use to be halfway down our driveway. When you were little you weren't allowed to go past the gas pump. But as you got bigger you could go further. Tyler and his friend Justin use to ride their bikes all over Wellsville. I don't think there was anywhere they didn't explore. By the time Marijka was in Elementary School she rarely even walked home. I don't see many young kids out riding their bikes by themselves or around town without a parent with them anymore.

The state of the housing market is a great indication of how things have changed. Today it is expected that as soon as you get married and start a family that you should be able to own a new house and have 2 new cars parked in the driveway. What happened to working and saving up for those type of things? If so many people hadn't purchased homes they couldn't afford the economy wouldn't be quite so bad today. I think there is a sense of entitlement in people today that wasn't there all that many years ago.

I grew up without video games, a laptop, i-pod or a cell phone and I would like to think I turned out okay. I'm not saying that I would want to do without those things in my life now, because I really enjoy those luxuries. But I have earned and purchased all of them on my own. I think my college education means more to me because I worked and paid for it myself. It would have been nice to have the bill paid by someone else, but I worked hard for that degree and I think I am better for it. None of the things I have in life were handed to me. Life may not always go the way we would like it to. I think happiness really does come from learning that we can be happy even while dealing with the challenges and trials that come our way. Life is great and if we spend too much time worrying about what we don't have we will miss out on the joy of the things we do.