I am a Daughter of My Heavenly Father, He Loves Me, and I Love Him

I believe that Heavenly Father knows each of us personally. I have a very strong testimony that he watches over me. In studying the pre-mortal existence it seems to me that we agree to come to earth with the problems we are born with. In my mind I can see Kyle making a deal with Heavenly Father that he would come down and handle his challenges, but there had to be a time limit. Which to me explains Kyle having to leave this earth at a young age. I have no doubt Kyle passed away when he was supposed to. 

During our endless stream of adventures over the past 4 1/2 years I've held onto the fact that somewhere Heavenly Father has the blueprint for my life and there are reasons for these things. In order for Kyle to be ready to pass on when he needed to he needed to have all his covenants in order. So Heavenly Father sent Kyle a woman who could see past the rough stuff to the man he could be. A woman who would be stubborn about a temple marriage. Someone who loved him enough to marry him for eternity. Me. I took some doing but that mission was accomplished. 

Six weeks after our wedding I pressured Kyle into getting a pacemaker. The doctors had been trying to get one in him for awhile and he'd been resisting. A month after the surgery we were in the back country in Idaho cutting a Christmas Tree and he went down and it shocked his heart back to rhythm and saved his life. I never would have been able to get help to him in time. 

Kyle had more than 10 surgeries our first year of marriage and I lost count after that. We dealt with kidneys failing, partial foot amputation, hyperbaric chamber treatments every other day for months. Poison bug bites on his hand, staph infection that turned into MRSA and went septic. We spent a summer with me having to give him IV drug treatments and change the bandages on the disgusting putrid wound twice a day. Four months later I then proceeded to get a milder form of the MRSA, and it was painful and hard to get rid off. 

In the last couple of years most of the hospital visits have been due to the diabetes and problems getting his glucose levels stable. In September I had to call for the EMT's twice because he was cold, stiff, and not responding. They were able to bring him out and we then got a special pen I could give him a shot with if it happened again. During all of this I just kept thinking I know there is a plan, I sure wish I could sneak a peek at it. 

I've been struggling with the fact that it was just over 4 months from when I moved out that this happened. How did it fit in the plan, I've wondered. If I had been there handing him his pills like always, checking his glucose levels, making sure he was eating, and taking care of him, could I have prevented it?

Then tonight after I finished reading my scriptures and was laying here trying to deny that i really did have to go pee again, this message came to me so clearly. I couldn't have been there or yes Kyle would probably still be here. I was too good at taking care of him and getting him the help he needed. Kyle needed to get to the point he was at and I couldn't interfere. Kyle's plan needs to continue on the other side and I may have prolonged or prevented things from happening the way they needed to. 

Good things had been happened in his life during that time too. He had gotten to know some great people from the ward. He was reading his scriptures, praying, and going to church more. He had just barely gotten his temple recommend all signed. These things all comfort me. 

I wonder how many other times he could have gone if I hadn't gotten him help. I have to say I'm grateful for every minute we had. Despite the issues we were dealing with I loved him dearly. I am so grateful I will have the opportunity to live with him in Heaven for eternity. A place where we both will be the people we were meant to be, without limitations and frustrations to deal with. Where we can enjoy our son together.

I also need to say I know Heavenly Father sends people to help us when we need them the most. I can't thank those of you enough who have stopped by for a hug, brought treats or chocolate, sent gifts for me and supplies for the baby, the money people have given has been a lifesaver. Just another example that He knows what we need and provides it (even chocolate).

I testify to you that Heavenly Father knows each one of you personally. If you will let him in your life he will work things to your good. It may be hard to see at times, but I know he does.