The Real Meaning of Christmas

Merry Christmas!!!




Merry Christmas From Our House To Yours!!!

 

A Thank You From the Bottom of our Hearts

It's been no secret that the past few months have been less than wonderful for us and financially things are far from where we would like them to be.

This past week we have been receiving blessings from several Secret Santas.  We don't know who all of these much needed blessings are coming from but we couldn't let them go by without saying thank you and letting you know how much your kindness is appreciated.  This will be a Christmas we won't ever forget.  So Merry Christmas and thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

A Trip to Bethlehem

We had a wonderful experience a few weekends ago.  Kyle and I got to spend a day tending Garrett and Abby.  In Nibley they do a live nativity once a year so we bundled up the kids and took them over to see it. It was an amazing experience. The feeling of the spirit was very strong.  Garrett reached up and took my hand and said, "Kami, are we in Bethlehem?"  He and Abby enjoyed seeing the sheep, donkeys, and Moses the camel.  He has been telling everyone how he went to Bethlehem and saw the shepherds, and wise men and baby Jesus.   He is so cute!  I could just eat him up.

"It's Been Really Bad"

I've debated back and forth for awhile on if I was going to write about what has been going on in my life the last few months.  In the words of Natalie's little guy Garrett after knocking over the Christmas tree, "It's really bad."  I've been in a really bad place for the last couple of months and I've pretty much tried to keep it off my blog, partly because I haven't had the words or even the desire to try and explain it, but the other night while laying in bed some of the words I wanted to express came to me and so I feel that there must be someone out there who needs to hear that they aren't alone in what they are going through.  There are people who understand and you don't have to be alone.  Don't get discouraged by those who don't understand.  Unless someone has gone through this themselves they will not get it. Hopefully they will still be compassionate and loving, but don't expect understanding.  I'm fortunate that I have an awesome Mom who has been where I am and an amazing doctor who hasn't given up on finding something to help me.  My Dad and Kyle have been awesome.  Kyle has no idea what to do with me, but just laying on the bed and holding me while I cry has does more than words can say.  The people I work with are incredible and have been completely supportive.  The notes and flowers I have received from friends mean so much.

My mind has been in a weird place.  It is a constant fight to get out of it.  Sometimes I would succeed for a day or even several days and things would seem to be better until I ended up here again.  In this place things feel completely overwhelming and hopeless with no chance for things to get better.  I didn't just wake up here one day.  It took awhile and a lot of stress and having to deal with a lot of problems for me to get here. 

This place I'm in feels like a big hole that I'm drowning or sinking in .  As one more problem, one more bill, one more thing for me to handle piles up on top of me it becomes too heavy for me.  Too much for me to balance and I start falling, sinking.  The load just kept getting heavier and harder to handle and no one has been able to help. 

In September I guess it all just became too much for me to deal with and I had a nervous/mental breakdown or whatever you want to call it.  I got on some medications and it seemed to help for awhile.  I was out of work for almost 2 months, which didn't help our financial situation.  Kyle hasn't been able to collect unemployment since August when he had the first of his surgeries, which is what started our whole financial disaster to begin with. 

Three months later I am on completely different medications than I begin with and I am making it to work.  Some days that is all I do, but at least I accomplished that.  I dread opening the mail because it means one or more bills I don't know how I am going to pay.  When the phone rings I just plan on it being a problem.  I can honestly say I wouldn't have made it through this without my incredibly awesome and supportive family.  They are so completely amazing.

I know there are a lot of people who don't believe in talking medication to help with your problems, but I don't think I would be here without it.  If you are feeling down and it isn't getting better go see your doctor.  There is nothing wrong with asking for help and no one even needs to know.  I know so many people who have been helped by medications.  The amazing LDS singer/songwriter Michael McLean has been clinically depressed for over 30 years and this year has made a real push to get people to go get help if they need it.

I don't tell you about this so that you can feel sorry for me, but in hopes that it might help someone else realize there is help available for depression if they need it.  You are not alone and I would be happy to do anything I can to help you.  Just let me know.  kamia911@gmail.com  

Halloween 2010

We are playing catch up on my blog since I haven't been quite with it lately.

Dad made his usual chili, we had cinnamon twists and homemade Root Beer and Cream Soda.  It was quite the feast.  Here is a video and a few pictures of the festivities.  The kids were a lot of fun at Halloween this year.  Garrett sang me the witch song many times.  There is a better video on the video camera, but I haven't mastered it yet so I'm not sure how to get the video from there to here quite yet. 



Witch with her angel Benji

   

Tyler the Jester



Gracie as Tinkerbell

 

The Witches Brew

 

Stirring the Brew

 

Bruce, Maggie, Kelly



Susan's mullet



The Dark Angel

 

These 2 together are Trouble with a capital "T"





Kyle's Latest Adventure

Kyle had surgery yesterday on his right shoulder and they went into the left knee again because it has been locking up since the last surgery.  They also drained a bunch of fluid off of his right knee.  Dr. Mattsson is 72 years old and said Kyle's shoulder had the worst impingement he had ever seen so I imagine he has seen a few in his years as a doctor.  This means the bone and the rotator cuff had no space between them.  They had to grind about 3 mm off of the bone so it could move freely.  His knee had a hole in the meniscus and a tear in the muscle on the side of his knee.  We have no idea how he managed to do that in the last 9 weeks since the last surgery.  His knee will need to be completely replaced in about 3 years or so.

It was a long day yesterday.  He didn't even go into surgery until 6:15 last night.  They got him settled in his room a little before 10:00.  He hadn't been able to have anything to eat or drink since the night before so he was a little hungry to say the least. 

The numbness has worn off of his shoulder and now the pain has hit.  He is miserable and it could be a really long night.

Kyle's night in the hospital

Kyle was glad to get back home to his girls

She never sits on my lap.  I've been thrown over for Kyle.

Kyle's baby standing guard